we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
