Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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