I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
