she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
