guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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