I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
