so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
