I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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