You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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