just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
