Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
