me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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