shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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