And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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