So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
