I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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