So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
