Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
