I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
