Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
