I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
smell my finger.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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