i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
