I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Ladies don't puke and tell
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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