do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
