it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
