I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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