He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
