somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
