I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
