Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
