The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
