Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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