who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it glows. i had to have it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
