Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I showed him my bush... on skype.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
