Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
