just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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