YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
