I'm so fucking centered right now
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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