I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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