i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
