I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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