thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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