my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My pussy is not your playground.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
