giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
