I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My penis needs a shock collar
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
