What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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