If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
