i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
