Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
