I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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