You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
